BY MURPHY

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and 

come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

The other line always moves faster.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

The fish are always biting....yesterday!

The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.

Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.

If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.

You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.

Window polishing; It's always on the other side.

The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.

The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible

Sooner or later, you will spill your beer

A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet

Whenever you have something important to do the next morning, the alarm will never go off

The snooze bar is the greatest invention by man

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it

Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

All from: www.murphys-laws.com